That a tap or a "no" doesn't need an explanation. I don't need to wait until I'm just about to pass out to tap to a choke. I don't need to give a reason if I don't want to roll with someone. If it's my decision, I don't need to justify it to someone else. I think it's a really special part of our space because so much of the world people feel like they're entitled to judge you and your choices. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I'm still indecisive, but now when I give a decision I try not to needlessly justify it in advance. And if someone starts questioning a decision I know I am confident in, it says more about them than it does about me. 

I find it hard to "hurt" (like how we do in training) someone I am friends with or friendly with. I think sometimes it could be harder for women to get comfortable with "hurting" others based on how we're socialized etc. but I actually think it's really important to be comfortable hurting someone you are friendly with and especially someone you are close with. In a self defense context, women are most likely to be assaulted by someone they know. I have heard many women in my life say "if that ever happened to me, I would just [insert aggressive thing here]" but in my experience, it's not that simple or easy. You learn a lot about yourself when under pressure, and sometimes it's surprising.

I do some small things like slowing down and trying to focus on my breath. These help for sure, but sometimes it's not enough when things go from a more typical mental stress to a more body panic. Having training partners I trust is important, and I find that talking helps a lot. I may or may not tell them what's going on, or maybe they're walking me through something, or I just ask them about their day. It takes the focus away from the position/situation and grounds me in the moment. Especially in mount or having someone in my closed guard. Humor helps a lot! Laughing with someone has taken me out of panic and worse. Talking also just makes training more fun and helps me get to know and build that trust with my training partners. 

Routine, friends, getting to chat with Thomas Rozdzynski, knowing that if I ever cross paths with my middle school bully I can take them (lol jk), learning something gnarly in John Kats nogi class, wanting to be a good consistent training partner, Tony Vargas convincing me I'm not tired, Tim Jurgovan making me feel better about being bad at jiu jitsu, someone's gonna razz me if I don't go, and all the training partners who say hi to me or are just somehow so kind and patient with me while at the same time choking me or trying to break something lol. Luckily, there's usually something even if it's small. Even on bad days, there's something to take away from trying. 

I listened to a podcast where someone talked about how much it changed their life for the better. Looking back I think part of it was that he was a blue belt. Y'all blue belts have a way about you that makes this thing seem accessible, approachable, attainable. I think if the person was a black belt it might have been different ironically. 

The more we leave unspoken, the less we are able to communicate and support each other. I think we have fewer words, skills, and tools to support each other and modify the mental challenges than the physical challenges - myself included. 

You have talked out loud about the mental challenges Tony (and some others have too) and I really appreciate it even when it might seem small. I think that alone does a lot to make what we do more accessible for people to start and keep doing. 

For me it's more of a mental challenge. I also think there are a lot of changes we make all the time for the physical challenges. We might modify how we do a technique for a different body, age, or injury. We can lower our intensity, and we talk about how to communicate all this with our training partners too. It's normalized so most days if I'm tired, or even when I'm in pain, I can still train and be (mostly) sure that people will understand. 

Mental stuff is more of a challenge because when my cognitive load is maxed, oftentimes there's little that helps modify things in the moment so that I can keep training effectively. When it comes to the other mental challenges (emotions, mindset, trauma, etc.), I think sometimes it's the elephant in the room. I notice and appreciate the things people do to support each other and me with these mental challenges, and often it's in a quiet unspoken way which is often the right approach in the moment.  ❤️ BUT...

I love the phrasing of it as a "thinking art!" I think I started thinking about this question because I wanted to know how I could become a better training partner (aside from just more time/knowledge/skill/etc.). I feel so lucky to have had so many awesome training partners, and I want to be able to be that for them and others. But the more I think about it and reading everyone's responses, it's really helpful for framing how to choose training partners, which is also something I need to be more intentional and improve on. 

I love when Thomas says "let's play." It's easy to get really serious when we are training to choke people lol. 

It definitely seems like trust is a part of everyone's answer in some way or another! I think it's so special to be able to practice trusting and building trust with people on such a consistent basis. There's not many other places/activities where we can do that.